


There is Not Enough Coffee in the World

by dapatty, Sunquistadora



Series: Coffee Shop AU [3]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Audio Format: M4B, Audio Format: MP3, Audio Format: Streaming, Crack, Dragons, Gen, Multi, Never Trust Avengers with random occult texts, Podfic & Podficced Works, Podfic Length: 10-20 Minutes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-24
Updated: 2014-03-24
Packaged: 2018-01-16 21:49:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,874
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1362958
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dapatty/pseuds/dapatty, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sunquistadora/pseuds/Sunquistadora
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There really isn't enough coffee in the world, especially if the day involves dragons.</p>
            </blockquote>





	There is Not Enough Coffee in the World

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the Round 3 of pt-lightning as the finale for the coffee shop au because dragons and sass.

  


Cover by Sunquistadora

  
[mp3 (21MB)](http://dapatty.parakaproductions.com/ThereIsntEnoughCoffee.mp3)|[m4b (23MB)](http://dapatty.parakaproductions.com/There%20Isn't%20Enough%20Coffee%20In%20the%20World.m4b)  


 

“Is there a reason that I’m being tailed by two different assassins? Or am I just lucky?” Stiles asked, handing Darcy a beer and flopping down beside her on the couch. 

Wednesday movie night had been exactly what Stiles needed this week. Between keeping up on his coursework, the coffee shop, a part-time job at the library and the occasional consulting with S.H.I.E.L.D., Stiles wasn’t really sure which way was up. He wasn’t even thinking about any Emissary research he should be doing that he wasn’t already sneaking in while working the Reference Desk. 

He noticed the shadowy figures following him around in the last week, and he hoped that it hadn’t been going on much longer than that. He’d had a feeling like he was being watched on his way across the quad and caught a glimpse of red hair out of the corner of his eye on the way to his afternoon class. The rustle of an oak tree against the wind on his way back out of class only confirmed his suspicions. 

“So you noticed Tash and Clint, huh?” Darcy asked, saluting him with her bottle and passing the popcorn.

“Yep. Clint would be the one perched on varying improbable things around campus, yeah?” Stiles asked queueing up a movie involving an evil pinata and Nicholas Brendon. 

“Well he isn’t called Hawkeye for nothing, dear.” Darcy patted his thigh. “This movie looks terrible. Great choice.”

“You should tell them to just come in and say hi,” Stiles advised, devouring a handful of popcorn.

“I’ll pass the word along. Now hush, I can’t hear you over how not on Nicholas Brendon’s shirt is right now.”

*****

Stiles startled when he turned around to find the redhead propped against the counter. She waited for the mid-afternoon lull on Friday when the shop was nearly dead and Stiles had been counting the minutes to leave and go home and not think about anything. Stiles mentally berated himself for being distracted by his Thursday Playlist of 90s pop and not paying more attention to his surroundings.

Her lips curled into a satisfied smirk. He was pretty sure that she wouldn’t actually kill him, but his instincts were all over the place. He resisted the urge to cast a mountain ash circle around himself for protection. Really, he just didn’t feel like dealing with the sweeping that would require. 

“Can I help you? And are we pretending you aren't lethal? I bet you want espresso," Stiles lifted an eyebrow. 

"I'll pretend if you will," she offered. "Doppio. Clint will want a cup of dark roast with brown sugar. Thor said you had some."

"Thor is a cape-wearing traitor." Stiles frowned. 

"Only when it comes to sugar." She looked bemused. "I'm Natasha. Darcy mentioned we should stop by." 

Stiles busied himself making the espresso and turned back around. "It's just I don't appreciate being tailed after I've already been thoroughly vetted by a top secret organization," Stiles said off handed. 

“Pays to be thorough,” a man said, sliding in behind Natasha and making grabby hands at the mug of coffee Stiles was pouring. “Besides, you were possessed by a murderous fox spirit in high school.”

“Spoken like someone who’s dealt with possession before?” Stiles lifted an eyebrow.

“Norse trickster god,” Clint confirmed, smirking.

“You might win that round. Only because the damage to a city trumps my meager upending of a town and terrorizing all of my friends,” Stiles conceded, setting the container of brown sugar on the counter and sliding it over. 

“You seemed to have bounced back okay,” Clint allowed adding three heaping spoonfuls of brown sugar to his cup. “Or just keeping busy enough that you don’t sleep?”

“Was that your coping mechanism? Just taking a few more missions, who really needs a weekend or sleep anyway?” Stiles asked pouring Natasha’s espresso. “Nah, I’m in college. College students don’t sleep, dude.”

“I see what you did there,” Clint allowed, not calling Stiles on his bullshit. It was nicer than the concerned look his dad would have given him. 

“Nothing gets past two badass agents of spooky doo.” Stiles made jazz hands. “Now, can I interest either of you in our vast pastry selection?”

“Thor does recommend the chocolate croissants,” Natasha said with a soft smile. 

“To hell with that. I’m gonna need to try all the biscotti you got,” Clint said with his hands pressed to the glass of the display. “And maybe another coffee.”

“I’ll need a cappuccino if I’m going to watch this,” Natasha allowed.

“You need a cappuccino so you can steal some biscotti.” Clint lifted an eyebrow.

“Same difference.” Nastasha shrugged. “He’s going to want two of the dark chocolate dipped ones.”

“Just when I thought I got enough flirting observation in watching Darcy,” Stiles muttered and Natasha shot him a dark look. “I mean what? What is flirting? Who said that? I’m making cappuccino and not talking anymore other than to suggest these pomegranate tarts.” Stiles got a napkin and placed a tart on it and slid the tart and the espresso over and slowly stepped away from Natasha.

“Bribery?” She fixed him a look. Stiles was hoping that was amusement and not death glare. 

“I am not above pastry bribery if it keeps me alive and all my limbs intact,” Stiles said honestly, piling the variety of biscotti on a plate for Clint as Clint placed far too much cash on the counter. Seriously, what were all the Avengers getting paid that they could go throwing money down in coffee shops all willy-nilly all the time?

“Legit,” Clint tipped an imaginary hat and balanced the plate stacked his with biscotti and commandeered the table in the far corner near the kitchen. Leave it to an assassin to have already scoped out potential back exits. They better not have brought any trouble to Stiles’s coffee shop gig. Excitement like that should only happen in the library on weekend shifts. 

Like when the library could afford to suddenly lose half the self help books to a mysterious portal that Stiles may or may not have accidentally summoned once. He had complete plausible deniability and figured it could be called a win because he didn’t actually send any unsuspecting students through the portal. Just a very smallish and very plausibly deniable dragon that had already burned through a portion of the periodicals. 

Natasha picked the tart up and Stiles watched her take an appreciative bite from the corner of his eye. 

“This was an acceptable bribe. Bring me another with the cappuccino,” she instructed, downing her espresso and leaving the cup on the counter. 

Stiles quickly plated her croissant and another tart and frothed milk for her cappuccino. He’d be disappointed that they weren’t actively terrifying him if he wasn’t so relieved that they didn’t seem to want to kill him in any way, shape or form. It was kinda nice and familiar, like hanging out with a certain cranky werewolf he knew. Admittedly, Natasha and Clint were better at looking non-descript than Derek. Derek had a tendency to come off unintentionally creepy in a lot of social settings, whether he meant to or not, which might actually be his super power. 

He stopped the steamer before the milk got too dry and gently poured the drink, picking up the plate of pastry. Best keep the badasses happy. It was a good policy to live by.

The bell chimed over the door and Stiles looked up in time to see Darcy wave vaguely at him and make her way to the assassins’ table. Darcy dragged a chair from a nearby table, flopping down gracelessly and bodily leaned into Clint who shifted his arm so she was more securely tucked into his side. Natasha scooted her mug over and Darcy beamed at her. 

“Science getting to be a bit too much for you?” Clint chided, smiling fondly at her. Even Natasha looked fond. Not that Stiles could blame either of them because Darcy was _awesome_ but Stiles was getting a vibe. A maybe-threesome vibe. Stiles wasn’t even sure who the luckiest one would be in that scenario.

“If I hear another word about temporal displacement and wormholes or anything about dragons, it will be too soon,” Darcy said gravely. 

“Oh,” Stiles muttered and hadn’t meant to say that out loud, especially since all three were looking at with with various degrees of interest and assessment. Crap.

“Do I even want to know why there was a dragon in the library, Stiles?” Darcy asked, her tone only a little accusatory.

“If I say that I accidentally summoned it out of a book and promptly cast another portal to send it through are you going to frown at me like your life depended on it?” Stiles asked.

“Yep,” Darcy answered.

“Then I don’t have any idea what happened there at all,” Stiles replied, looking very serious. 

“Of course not,” Natasha scoffed, fingers gently tucking a few stray strands behind Darcy’s ear. “Darcy will want a mocha for that non-answer.”

“Yes Darcy will,” Darcy agreed.

“With extra whip,” Clint added, causing Darcy to smile at him. 

“And one of the chocolate cupcakes,” Stiles nodded and went to start fiddling with the machine. 

“Is it wrong that I’m kinda bummed that I didn’t get to fight a dragon? You don’t have access to that book, do you?” Clint asked.

“Hopefully, he didn’t leave it in the library,” Natasha said pointedly.

“What kind of amateur do you think I am?” Stiles asked, aggrieved. “It’s in a lockbox back in my apartment until I can research and determine if I can destroy it with fire or if I should find alternate means because fire might summon more dragons. Guys, this isn’t my first rodeo.”

“Dude, I hadn’t even thought about the potential of accidentally summoning dragons from fire,” Darcy said, surprised. “Good thing I left you in charge of stumbling upon occult texts, unofficially.”

“This is why we don’t leave you alone for very long,” Clint squeezed her shoulder.

“You should know that just because I’m busy, it doesn’t mean you should break into my apartment or encourage Darcy to steal the dragon-summoning text, okay?” Stiles gave the table a very pointed look.

“We’ll take it under advisement,” Nastasha allowed. 

Stiles just hoped that they didn’t read any of it in his actual apartment when they liberated it from his possession. Nah, he was probably selling them a little short. Now, if Tony had shown up, then he’d probably end up with a dragon in his apartment. Or worse, seventeen dragons, because blah blah replicable phenomena. These three, on the other hand, were probably totally not going to go against his very pointed requests to not summon dragons in his apartment or try to steal the book. Probably.

******

Stiles had never been so wrong. Maybe the most wrong he’d ever been, including the time he decided it’d be really cool to go find a body in the woods in high school. Because there was a dragon. Standing in the middle of his street, wings stretched up toward the sky, tendrils of smoke wafting from its nose. The dragon might have been red, but it was dark to know for sure, given how it had knocked out most of the street lights on his block.

“Alright, which of you jackasses read from the book?” Stiles asked, ducking behind a parked car and frowning long and hard at the trio already crouched there. Darcy just frowned back while Natasha and Clint and looked unimpressed. Working with Coulson had to make you immune to frowning or something.

“Hey, not me. I know better,” Darcy objected. 

“No, that would be Tony,” Natasha frowned, looking deeply annoyed. 

“Way to rat out a guy, Nat,” freaking Iron Man himself said, landing with a soft thud, just as Derek and Allison skidded in from who knows where. 

“Hey, was I due at home and forgot or something?” Stiles asked as Allison armed her crossbow and Derek took a quick glance over the car, eyebrows all concerned.

“Nope,” Allison smiled at him and gave his arm a squeeze.

“We were going to surprise you,” Derek grumbled. 

“But you seem to be having an exciting weekend all on your own,” Allison said.

“Hey, I was going to have a perfectly entertaining weekend,” Stiles objected.

“Yeah, you were going to stay up too late reading for class and fall asleep at your desk for long enough to regret it,” Derek added.

“Fascinating as this is, I’m thinking rockets versus dragon may be the most effective,” Iron Man said. Right, priorities! Or should Stiles be thinking of him as Tony Stark because they were basically the same? Maybe? Stiles honestly didn’t understand the psychology of superhero identity as well as he maybe should. And his friends were in town. What was his life, seriously?

A blast of fire shot by the car, followed by a roar.

“I don’t remembering the dragon roaring like that before,” Stiles said, touch of concern in his voice. Because he was concerned now. That roar sounded angry. Oh shit, did they summon two dragons? Goddamnit.

“When you say before,” Derek said and his eyebrows didn’t look surprised at all.

“I can neither confirm or deny anything about this text having been used before, especially not in the library,” Stiles said quickly.

Derek sighed deeply, like he regretted leaving Stiles alone for more than five minutes. 

“Only you, Stiles,” Allison giggled. Stiles beamed at her just as the roar got closer as well as the rumbling of something heavy running their way.

“You kids are adorable,” Tony said. “Aren’t they adorable?”

“Nice crossbow,” Clint smirked at Allison. 

Allison gave him a dimpled smile. “Thanks. Your bow’s pretty sweet too.”

“Archers,” Natasha sighed, rolling her eyes. 

“HULK SMASH!” 

A crash and a fiery grumble and then silence. 

“Way to go big guy,” Tony said stepping back out into the street. 

Hulk gave an affirmative grunt. When Stiles dared a peek out, he saw that Hulk had not only knocked out the dragon, but sat a car on its head. 

“Efficient and to the point,” Stiles noted and then clapped his hands. “Right, I’ve got coffee and some of the cookies Thor likes in my place. Unless we have to dispose of the dragon’s body? We don’t, right? Because I call not it.”

Allison stepped out along with Clint and Natasha, all with weapons trained on the fallen creature. Derek stepped out behind them, head tilted as if to assess the level of life still in the dragon. Or maybe he just had a crick in his neck. Stiles was never sure. 

Darcy strolled up to Stiles and slung an arm on his shoulder. “So, who’s your dark and bearded hot friend? Also, cute dimples with the crossbow? You’ve been holding out on me. I thought we were friends.”

“Dramatic much?” Stiles smirked at her. “Okay, does he go back to regular size soon? Because that could be a problem for the giving of coffee.”

“We’ll catch up,” Tony said. “Don’t start the orgy without me!” He sounded too cheerful and matter-of-fact.

“Oh my god,” Stiles said, aghast. “Not in my apartment!”

“Which is part of your problem, babe,” Darcy said conversationally as S.H.I.E.L.D. trucks started rolling down the street--hopefully to get rid of the dragon. “Some of us forge deep and sexy relationships with our attractive and deadly friends, and some of us are apparently you.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Stiles frowned. He felt like he should be insulted somehow, but he wasn’t sure.

“She knows we can hear her, right?” Derek asked no one in particular. 

“That’s never stopped her before,” Natasha winked at him. “So, coffee?”

“I’ve got house roast in my kitchen. You guys can come up in a bit,” Stiles called to Hulk and Hulk nodded. 

“We’ll check in and make sure we aren’t needed,” Clint said, nodding at the convoy. 

“I’d tell you which apartment, but I'm sure you already know which one it is. I better not find anything that compromises my security deposit,” Stiles warned. “Now give me the book.”

Natasha placed the book in his outstretched hand. Before he could take it, a lightning bolt struck the middle of the street in front of them and Thor landed along with Captain America. 

“Did we miss fighting the dragon? What terrible luck,” Thor asked, looking completely disappointed. 

“I’m actually totally okay with that,” Captain America said, looking at the Asgardian with a happily bemused expression.

“Thor, c’mon up and join us, I’ve got those cookies you like,” Stiles offered.

“In that case, it’s fine that we missed the dragon. Come, let us feast!” Thor decided, gathering up Stiles and Darcy in a massive hug.

All and all, it was one of the better Saturday nights that Stiles’d had in a while. Even if Thor summoned another dragon just as Tony came in with Bruce. Stiles didn’t get that security deposit back. But Tony did let him stay in a building he owned. Jarvis took a lot of getting used to, though.

**Author's Note:**

> Notes from dapatty: Sunquistadora is a DELIGHT to work with and this was a complete pleasure to collaborate on. Seriously just SO MUCH LOVE and HEARTS. I would gladly write any ficlet one-shot in this or any verse for them forever because their character voices are SO ON POINT and full of mirth and just ALL THE YES. A+++ would collab forever and ever again.
> 
> Notes from Sunquistadora:  
> Working with dapatty is a total lovefest and OHMYGOSH she writes things that make me smile so much my cheeks hurt! Planning on recording a couple of mini not-fics in this universe because I can't get enough of it. <3!!!


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